: the most recent photo i have of the four of us :
it's been one month since dad died (the 19th). feels like it's been so much longer.
josh is writing a song for him, & he can only get to the 2nd line before i start crying.
in general, though, i think i am doing "well" these days. the sadness comes in waves, as i'm sure it will for a long time. but josh & i are moving through our days, upheld by a hand of grace as we seek to meet our creative deadline & prepare for the arrival of our child. i have transitioned from trying to distract myself from sadness to intentionally creating a space for it to come if it needs to. my mornings are beginning slowly again. i sit on the sunny deck by the river with cafe con leche & let my mind wander as i greet the day. i welcome all thoughts, joy or sorrow, as friends. some days i smile wide & dream. other days i cry. other days i feel the Lord's words, peace, or comfort. but on all these days, no matter what emotions i've welcomed into my heart, i enter the day feeling honest & strangely at peace.
i've realized that i don't need to feel guilty for the times when i'm really doing okay, which, surprisingly, is most of the time right now. somehow for awhile i thought that it dishonored dad to still feel such joy at moments, in the wake of so deep a loss--as if being "okay" meant i didn't really love or miss him.
please continue to pray for us! i know how important the mourning is, but i also feel like the prayers of our friends are truly sustaining us, preventing us from sinking, keeping our faces & spirits lifted high today.
2 comments:
you've shared some heartfelt words hear... healing words... as they are personal, but also timely as we saw our neighbor pass and I've struggled with 'mourning'... thanks for sharing.
saw josh play at vecino's in indy years ago (where my friend worked) and hit it off quite a bit with his sister. randomly got this address from that friend of mine from taylor u.
i write only to tell you that you are not alone. i lost my baby boy just over a year ago and some days the grief has been unbearable. however, i have never, in any other season of my life, felt more alive. where sorrow fills your heart, it does not fail in creating a crevice for joy. in fact, it is necessary.
i believe to have received life abundantly through death. which is a theme i'm arriving at in faith too.
lamentations 3 is a comfort. cry when you feel like it. send your mother cards as often as possible. and hug everyone a little tighter and longer. best of luck to you and congratulations on your beautiful little bird. and may you cling hard to all the living you have presently. <3
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